Mono no Aware
by Byakugou
Summary: Years ago, Sakura vowed to protect what was most precious to her, but with the onset of the Fourth Great Ninja war, everything she held dear was destroyed. The relative peace of her world was gone, her team broken, and the person she loved most was lost to her. In the end, Sakura will have to decide how much she's willing to sacrifice for duty and love. AU. NaruSaku.


**Author's Note :** Wow, it's been awhile since I posted anything. Sorry about that, I'm not dead I swear.

First things first, the Fourth Ninja war in this fic is _not _the war in the manga. It is an Alternate Universe, so just keep that in mind. As such, also do not expect the characterization to completely match up the their canon selves. The characters, especially the main characters have different motivations, experiences and circumstances to some degree or another that are not in line with canon and this will effect they way they act and react. I will do my best to keep characters from being totally ooc, but I will take some creative liberties. But please, don't be afraid to let me know about any ooc-ness and I will either clarify it or fix it if need be.

Anyways, I first chapter, enjoy ;)

* * *

Sakura stepped out of the stuffy, overcrowded medical tent into the cooler night air, walking to the edge of the encampment where the only sounds she could hear were the chirping of crickets and the guttural croaking of a nearby bull frog. After hours spent enclosed in the tight quarters of the medic tent, Sakura was grateful for the moment of reprieve and sighed, content for the time being.

She tilted her head back as a light breeze caressed her face, looking up at the uncountable stars scattered across the blue-black canvas of the night sky.

The last few days had been muggy, leaving the air heavy and thick even at night when temperatures cooled. But tonight presented a pleasant change and the air felt lighter, fresher – invigorating her down to her bones. She knew it wouldn't be long before she was inevitably called back to attend to the endless stream of wounded shinobi that staggered into the camp every day, but Sakura wanted to take the precious few minutes granted her to enjoy the break in the weather while it lasted. And surely it wouldn't last long, not in the midst of the summer months in Fire Country.

Turning her head, Sakura looked off in the distance, her eyes trailing over the rolling fields to the tree line on the far side of the sloping hills. The night shrouded the dense woodlands in shadows, painting them black and forming a wall that was impenetrable to her naked eye. But she didn't need to see to know what lay on the other side. Just beyond those trees, she knew, was the place where the border of the Fire Country met the Grass.

If she'd had a choice, Sakura would rather be out there, fighting. But as it was, her skills as a medic-nin were in greater demand than her fighting abilities. It was during times like this that she felt some regret in her decision to pursue medical ninjutsu.

Though if she hadn't, who would there have been to look after those teammates of hers? She thought, the corners of her mouth lifting in a wistful smile. Not that it mattered much now.

She knew her lifesaving abilities were an invaluable asset. Without medic-nins like herself, the current body count would undoubtedly be much higher, but she had never much been fond of the idea of staying behind in the camp while her comrades fought and laid down their lives. She never knew who would come back alive, or who might not come back at all.

"Sakura-san," she heard a voice call, carrying a note of urgency. Spinning around, Sakura saw a figure standing at the entrance of the medical tent, bathed in yellow lamplight.

"What is it, Moegi?" she said as she approached, recognizing the figure's shape as the young medic-nin.

"Another one just came in. It looks like poisoning, but it's different than before," Moegi said, her brow knitted with uncertainty. "I was told to get you right away."

Sakura didn't need to hear anymore and Moegi had barely finished speaking before she brushed past her and stepped into the tent.

* * *

In any case of poison, it was important it be treated as soon as possible. Fast acting poisons could kill within minutes and slower acting poisons could still inflict permanent damage if not handled promptly. Removing the deadly toxins from the body was crucial to preventing any lasting effects, but without an antidote it was oftentimes only a stopgap, delaying the inevitable. Simply extracting the poison from the victim wouldn't reverse the damage already done to the body's system and vital organs, and was only just so effective on its own.

Sakura had a very good track record in dealing with poison. She'd encountered several poisons during her time on the field – varying in composition and the rate at which they traveled through the body, and differing in side effects and symptoms displayed – and not one had she been unable to cure.

It was an impressive reputation, one that had garnered her praise as the second coming of Senju Tsunade and a gifted prodigy. But Sakura was reluctant to go that far. Everything she knew was learned from Tsunade, and she was just applying the knowledge her master had passed on to her. All she really had going for her was her innate chakra control and her ability to retain information. It was nothing too special as to justify comparison to her renowned teacher.

Her job was also made easier because the enemy was being remarkably unimaginative, churning out poisons that were merely slightly modified versions of older formulas. Unlike the Sand, neither the Rock nor Lightening shinobi much specialized in the use of poison and didn't bother being creative with new compounds. But even so, Sakura knew better than to underestimate what her opponents might be capable of.

Eventually, they would realize their current arsenal was not producing the desired result and they would come up with something new and more potent than before. It was only a matter of time until they struck her with something she wouldn't be able to counter, and someone would die.

She knew it would happen, because good things never last. But when it did finally happen, she still found herself unprepared.

His name was Hideki; only fifteen years old and newly promoted to chuunin. Sakura hadn't known him personally, but she remembered him as a friendly and outgoing individual, enthusiastic and perhaps a bit too overconfident in in his abilities. The kind of person, she knew, who was likely to take unnecessary risks.

The story, as she heard it, was that he had gotten separated from his team had tripped a poison trap. By time he'd been brought back into the camp, the poison had already been in his system for several hours, the powerful neurotoxin wreaking havoc on his nervous system and attacking his brain.

The poison was not one she was familiar with and its composition wasn't like the others she'd seen before. Of the few antidotes left, none were effective, nor could she create a new antidote formula with supplies dwindled down to bare bones.

A shipment supplies was scheduled to arrive any day, but she couldn't count on them. And even if she sent someone back to Konoha for the ingredients she would need, they'd never make it back in time. There was nothing she could do but try to ease his pain.

Sakura didn't realize morning had come until rays of sunlight began to filter through the light-colored fabric of the tent's walls. She had not slept at all during night, though Moegi and a couple other medics offered to watch Hideki so she could get some rest. She just couldn't bring herself to leave.

She didn't know this boy and he didn't know her, yet she felt somehow that she owed it to him to stay beside him until the end. Something about him twisted her up inside. When she'd seen him around camp, energetic and smiling, Sakura couldn't keep away the thought that he was so… _similar_. So very like _him_ in a way that was almost painful.

Throughout the long night, Sakura had kept vigil by his side, feeling useless as this once lively boy withered under the effects of the poison eating away at his body. She had removed as much as she could, but there were still residues she could do nothing about.

Her back and knees ached from staying in a crouched position for too long, and she felt the building pulse of a headache at her temples. She thought she might have dozed off and on during the night, though she couldn't say if those instances had been seconds long or a few minutes before she jolted back to wakefulness. It certainly didn't feel like much.

Sakura leaned over to check Hideki's vital signs, but found instead that his breathing had stilled and his pulse stopped. His skin was still warm but growing colder, dirty brown hair falling over his face. Truthfully, Sakura surprised he'd held on so long. He might have lived, if only they'd had a cure.

A sensation of hollow numbness settled in her chest and Sakura pulled a thin white sheet over the body, covering the boy's young, lifeless face.

"I'm sorry," she said, but she wasn't sure who she was saying sorry to. There was no one to hear her.

* * *

The winter night was bitterly cold, her breaths misting as they made contact with the icy air. Her cloak provided little warmth, but she had never been more grateful for her gloves, mercifully keeping her fingers from freezing.

Perched high in a tree, Sakura watched over the ground below and tried not to make any unnecessary movements that could draw attention and give away her position.

The bare branches didn't offer much cover, though the darkness worked in her favor, the heavy cloud cover blocking the light from the moon and helping her blend in. But it also made it much more difficult to spot anyone who might be lurking on the ground, at least for her normal eyesight.

Shifting her balance, she turned to her teammate in the next tree over. "Anything?"

After a moment, Sasuke looked to her with red eyes highlighted by three black tomoe, the vibrant color of his eyes clearly visible to her even in the moonless night and seeming to shine with their own light. It might have been an unnerving sight if she were not so used to it.

"No," he said. The red hue faded from his eyes, leaving only the familiar outline of his features for her to recognize him.

She noticed that he didn't seem at all bothered by the cold, even though she was still fighting to suppress the shivers running up her arms and legs. Leaning back against the tree trunk, arms at his sides, Sasuke continued to survey the ground; as if even without the sharingan, he could still see through the darkness with little hindrance. He probably could, Sakura imagined. He seemed relaxed, bored even. Typical Sasuke.

Looking for something to occupy her, Sakura fiddled with the radio receiver in her ear, meeting only the white noise of static. "Naruto must be out of range," she said aloud, speaking more to herself than Sasuke. "He should have been back by now."

More than twenty minutes had passed since Naruto had gone off to scout the area, claiming he couldn't take standing around in a tree any longer. Sakura figured it was better to let him go than listen to him complain because he was still bitter about being assigned to border patrol. Still, he should have been back by now.

"Maybe I should look for him?" she said and this time her words were directed at Sasuke, asking for his thoughts.

She searched the darkness, trying to make out Sasuke's expression, looking to his eyes to see if they reflected any of the concern she felt.

"I'm sure he's fine. Naruto might be an idiot, but he can take care of himself," Sasuke said offhandedly. "Besides, I don't want to listen to him start whining again because we got stuck out here."

Sakura covered her mouth with her gloved hand, stifling the laugh that rose up. Sasuke said nothing, but she could feel his eyes on her, silently questioning.

"I know you hate these kinds of missions almost as much as Naruto. I know how you two are," she said knowingly, amusement tugging a smile at her lips. "You boys are all the same, you're not happy unless you're bashing heads together."

It was certainly true of her teammates. If they didn't have some enemy or other opponent on which to direct their energy, they would very often resort to fighting with each other. Sometimes with words, but more often with their fists. Such fights usually ended in draws because Naruto and Sasuke were both unwilling to admit a loss to the other – one out of pure pigheadedness and the other out of pride.

Coming out of her thoughts, Sakura realized suddenly that Sasuke's calm demeanor had changed, becoming tense. His hand rested instinctively on the hilt of the katana at his side and his body was coiled like a tightly compressed spring – stance wide and low on the precarious balance of the tree branch – as if he was prepared for a threat to leap out at him at any moment. Sharingan eyes pierced through the black night as he looked off in the eastward direction; he seemed to not even breathe he was so still.

"Sasuke-kun," she said softly, trying not to speak too loudly.

She felt blind and ineffective against the permeating darkness, unable to see what had captured her teammate's attention and rattled his composure. It was very unusual to see Sasuke so disturbed and Sakura wasn't sure how to react. She waited a moment, watching Sasuke as he stared off at some point in the distance. What she could make out of his expression suggested intense concentration in the set of his jaw and the downward pull of his brow.

When he did not respond, Sakura pressed him again. "What is it," she asked, barely more than a whisper. She wasn't sure he heard her.

Several long seconds dragged by and her frustration was building when, finally, Sasuke spoke. "Sakura, which way did Naruto go?" he said. His tone level and carefully controlled.

It seemed like a strange thing to ask, but Sasuke wasn't one to do something without reason, so she didn't question why he would want to know such a thing now. After some thought, Sakura answered with a panicked realization building in her. "He went…east."

"Stay here," Sasuke said – not a request but an order – and leapt to the ground.

"Wait," she called after him, though she knew he was already too far away to hear her. The sound of his running footfalls had faded into the night, heading east and into whatever danger Naruto had apparently gotten himself caught in.

Sakura felt a flash of irritation at being left behind without any explanation and against her better judgment, she dropped from her own tree to the hard, frost covered ground. She started off in the general eastbound direction that Sasuke had gone.

The moon began to peak out from the clouds, giving some much appreciated illumination to her path. Able to see at last, Sakura ran more quickly without worrying about any unseen obstacles to trip her up in the dark and it wasn't long before a lean, dark haired figure materialized in front of her.

"Sasuke, wait!" she said, throwing all caution and stealth to the wind. If any enemy ninja were nearby, she'd surely just given them away.

Sasuke stopped abruptly, but stayed facing the direction he'd been headed, and Sakura slowed until she was standing at his side. She hadn't really expected him to listen to her; he rarely did after all.

"You should have stayed at your post," he said, not looking at her.

It wasn't really a reprimand, but a reminder. Not only of the fact that Sasuke was the current de facto leader of the team, but of the priority of their mission – to safeguard the border against infiltrating enemy forces. Heat rushing to her cheeks, Sakura glanced down, embarrassed that she had acted rashly and ignored a direct order.

Then she felt angry with herself for being so easily cowed. She didn't allow many people to intimidate her, but Sasuke had a way, now and then, of making her feel very small.

"You shouldn't have just taken off like that without at least telling me what's going on," Sakura scolded, not that it would do her any good. She didn't hold the same sway of respectful fear with Sasuke as she did with Naruto. "What did you see?" she said, more gently. "Is it Naruto, did something happen?"

"You mean you can't feel it?" He sounded surprised, which only augmented Sakura's growing uneasiness.

"Feel it?" she said, confused.

Sakura followed Sasuke's line of sight, focusing straight ahead. Sensory abilities had never been her strong point and it took some effort to stretch her senses out, but once she was able to detect the highly concentrated chakra, it was like being caught in the jaws of an angry beast. It grabbed her and wouldn't let go.

This chakra – she'd never felt anything like it. It was volatile, rampaging. And so immensely _powerful._ Just sensing it from a distance made the breath leave her body and churned her stomach. The sour, acid burn of bile lodged in her throat and Sakura thought she might be sick.

A hand gripped her arm tightly, almost to the point of pain, and brought her back to herself. Sakura blinked, trying and only slightly succeeding to shake free of the stranglehold of the horrible chakra.

She looked at Sasuke, who stared back, his impassive expression betraying nothing. His sharingan was still active and she began to feel a little dizzy under its effects. For a moment, Sakura thought he was doing it on purpose, that he meant to disable her so she couldn't follow him further. But then he seemed to realize what he was doing, and looked away.

Sasuke let out of her arm once she was steady enough to stand on her own. "You looked like you were about to pass out. Don't concentrate so hard next time."

"What is that?" she said, her heart hammering in her chest. "You don't think it's –"

"Yes," Sasuke answered before she could finish. "If I focus enough, I can still find a little of him in there. Something's made him lose control. There was another team scouting the border near there, but I can't find their chakras anymore, and there are others I don't recognize."

Sakura understood the implication. If Naruto had come across other Konoha ninja after they'd been slaughtered – most likely by Cloud ninja, in this area – it would not have taken much for his to give in to his anger. And anger in Naruto was very dangerous.

"Do you think you can stop him?" said Sakura with some hesitancy. Hoping he would say yes and fearing he would say no.

"Probably," he said. Not a definitive answer, but it would have to do. "Are you coming or not?" Sasuke couldn't stop her and trying to would only waste valuable time and Sakura knew he'd chosen the path of least resistance by inviting her along.

"Yes," she said, resolute.

Sasuke started off again, pace increasing with each step and Sakura broke into a run after him. She probably should have spared a thought for the danger that surly waited, but she didn't. Her only thought was that Naruto was in trouble and she had to be there to protect him, in any way she could.

* * *

After much insistence from Moegi, Sakura was eventually convinced to try to get some rest. A full day since the young chuunin's death and Sakura had not slept even a moment. When the much needed supply of medicine and herbs arrived in the camp, too late to save Hideki, Sakura had thrown everything she had into concocting an antidote for the unknown poison that killed him, determined to prevent another tragedy like this one.

"_You can't save everyone."_ She remembered telling Naruto, so long ago. But she was just as guilty as him of trying. She couldn't save Hideki and that would weigh on her just as heavily as the others, but she didn't want his death to have been in vain. That was all she could give him now.

Only once she was sure the antidote had been perfected did Sakura give in to Moegi's pleas for her to sleep. It was a fitful attempt at best, filled with dreams that were really just memories of things she'd rather forget and she awoke feeling even more exhausted and restless. She gave it a few hours, just enough to satisfy Moegi's concerns and then gave up. She wasn't going to be able to sleep and it was only frustrating to try.

The next morning before the sun had fully risen above the treetops, a courier came with a message for her. Sakura opened it to find a summons from the Hokage, telling her to return to Konoha right away. She didn't bother to question it, strange as it was since she wasn't set to go back to the village for another two weeks, with the next medic rotation.

The break in routine was unexpected and a bit odd, with the note not providing any elaboration as to why, but she knew Tsunade must have a good reason for calling her back early. And regardless, orders were orders.

Packing up what little she had Sakura prepared to leave, not wasting time on goodbyes, though she did make an exception for Moegi. The girl had become something of a companion to her; an apprentice she'd taken under her wing, guiding her and watching her grow into her own in a very short time.

Moegi had been overwhelmed and under confident when she first came to the medic camp, seeing the fallout of war up close for the first time, and she had reminded Sakura of herself. They had related well to each other and Moegi was the first person she'd allowed herself to get close to in a while.

Knowing that she would be leaving Moegi on her own was difficult, but Sakura believed in her. Moegi was stronger than she realized.

Sakura noticed how Moegi's hands trembled even as she assured Sakura that she would be fine, revealing her fear. She was trying to be brave and the effort filled Sakura with pride. It would be good for Moegi to learn to rely more on herself, she wouldn't always be able to count on having someone else there to help and shield her, after all.

"I'll be back soon," she said, though she didn't know if that was true. "I hope to see you have improved by then. Remember the importance of a calm mind."

Moegi nodded firmly. "Yes, Sakura-san."

Sakura patted her shoulder, hoping this goodbye was only temporary. And then she turned away, facing towards the heart of Fire Country, and didn't look back.

* * *

**AN: **The title of this fic Mono no Aware comes from Buddhist philosophy and means "the pathos of things", which holds that all life is fleeting and should be precious. Cherry blossoms, or sakura blossoms, are considered to embody this principal, as they are a symbol of transient things. My reason for choosing this title is that it connects pretty well with a lot of themes in this story, which will be revealed more in future chapters. And yes, Sakura is the central character here and this fic will be told almost strictly from her point of view. So if you are not a fan of this character, you may want to turn back now.

Naruto and Sasuke will also play significant roles. Man, writing Sasuke's going to be an interesting challenge cause I don't particularly like him. Please let me know if I'm doing all right.

The rating for this fic is more to just err on the side of caution than anything. There may be violence and mature themes, including mild sexual context. But probably not anything exceeding graphic, because I'm not the kind of writer who likes to be graphic for shock value, but I would like to be realistic where I can. I will not be writing any full out lemons though, just to let you all know ahead of time.

Also, do not be misled by the SasuSaku interaction in this chapter, this IS a NaruSaku fic and only a NaruSaku fic. There will be no SasuSaku, or no romantic SasuSaku anyway. And to clarify on ages, in the flashback with Sakura and Sasuke, they are about fifteen, and in the rest Sakura is about eighteen. There really wasn't a place I could fit that into the narrative.

Oh, and about Succor, in case anyone's wondering. The next chapter is coming and I promise it has not and will not be abandoned. Life has been really chaotic and just really not good in a lot of ways, and that's why updates have been so long in coming. I just ask that you all have patience with me and I'll update as soon as I am able.

Sorry about the long author's note and relatively short chapter. Please share your thoughts down below. It would make this writer immeasurably happy =)


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